The Exquisite Pain

April 14, 2017

Disclaimer: Watch video prior to reading. Let’s not spoil anything for anyone, who may be reading.


You’ve been watching Sex and the City, and it’s almost embarrassing to state for numerous reasons.

The main one being: this is a 90’s show. When it first aired, you were 10 years old. Back then, you had no clue what any of the stuff mentioned meant. So, you somewhat have that as an excuse, but you’re late. 6 seasons and two movies late to the party.

And sure, you’ve watched the first movie back in 2008, (but only because you happened to be working at the movie theater when it was playing). Yet, you must admit, you digged it.

Yes, you joined in with the other employees making fun of all the ladies overpacking the lobby.

Saying you’d need wet floor signs everywhere…but that’s another story.

Now you’re 2 seasons deep. And you really like the whole journalistic feel that Carrie adds to the mix.

What can you say, anything where the protagonist is a writer books you.

You can’t help but love it and want some more of it.

It’s as if everything she narrates, as she types in her column, contains many of the jumbled thoughts in your mind. You feel you are like her in the literary life.

It could be that or maybe your empathy levels are too advanced, you can’t help but feel that way with many.

And now, you can’t help that you got really into:

S2E12 La Douleur Exquise!

The one where you want to dive into greater depths about what she was writing. Her points make plenty of sense to you. They speak to you in so many ways. You feel as though you have been in a similar situation. It’s an eye-opener, so to speak.

Here’s Carrie’s narrating for the column transcript part:

In love relationships, there is a fine line between pleasure and pain. In fact, it’s a common belief that a relationship without pain…is a relationship not worth having. To some, pain implies growth.

But how do we know when the growing pains stop…and the ‘pain-pains’ take over? Are we masochists or optimists, if we continue to walk that fine line? When it comes to relationships…how do we know when enough is enough?

And that’s where you really got hooked.

You pondered it because you feel you’ve been there. You’ve asked yourself those questions before. And just like Carrie you’ve also pondered,

Did I ever really love [insert name of ex here] or was I addicted to the pain, the exquisite pain of wanting someone so unattainable?

And when Carrie says the following you can’t help but wonder if you were a masochist as well.

Why do I keep doing this to myself? I must be a masochist or something.

And just when you thought those were mere coincidences, further in you realize that her love life with Mr. Big is one you can totally relate to (of course with some slight differences).

Take this dialogue for instance:

C: This isn’t about work. This is about us getting closer and you getting so freaked out that you have to put an ocean between us.
B: I don’t want to talk about this anymore.
C: Why is it so hard for you to factor me into your life in any real way?
B: I guess old habits die hard.
C: Maybe. I can’t do this anymore.
B: I understand.
C: I bet you do. You said you loved me.
B: I do.
C: Then why does it hurt so f****** much?

And just like that, you have to hit pause and “ponder” some more. Because you remember that once upon a time you went through those kinds of feels. In other words, hashtag same. And you recall how mad you were at yourself when you came to the realization that you were the one allowing the pain. Yet, you like how Carrie worded it better.

It goes like this:

On the way home, I was furious. Not with Big, with myself. I was the real sadist. He might be the one with the whip, but I was the one who tied myself up. Tied myself to a man who was terrified of being tied down.

And she also said words that you once told one of your ex’s once. The same one that you couldn’t help but think about this entire episode because the correlation was too great.

Let’s not pretend we’re something that we’re not. It’s okay.

Of course, you recall, that’s the precise moment that they try and “fix” it all with their soothing talk. But that’s also the precise moment where you have to take your stand. And once again, just like Carrie, you want to go to him, but you also can’t help but feel tied to wherever you’re sitting or standing. Some part of you holds you back, knowing that you had gone too far. You reached your limit. At that moment you don’t know it, but later you’ll be thankful for those invisible chains that held you down.

And just like that, I had untied myself from Mr. Big. I was free. But there was nothing exquisite about it.

And you’re left thinking #same.