Part 5

Where was I? Oh, yes. I had finished stating, how I was utterly pleased with Focus T25 and my newfound workout regime. And how I wish I had the determination I did at the start and that I continued it and she lived fit ever after.

But that wasn’t the case. I am starting to notice I must love that yo-yo effect. Fat to fit. Back to fat then fit. Oh, no back to fat.

Honestly, I lack better discipline. Or I feel overly confident and then think I don’t have to maintain my current weight. And just like that it becomes a slow fade.

I get so into myself and I do great. But then I start shifting my focus to other things and others and I put myself last. It’s not so good of a thing when it comes to fitness journeys. It should be a constant thing, but somehow my old ways always manage to make way once more.

And that is how I ended up packing many pounds. I could pretend it was my bulking season, but that season turned into two then three. I never learned how to cut.

I just gained and gained. And started making excuses for not working out. I’d blame the weather. I’d blame not having time. Which clearly I just didn’t make the time anymore.

Yet, there were days when I wanted to get back on track so badly. And I did, but upon seeing I wasn’t able to perform as great as before, that hurt. It was beyond body pain. It was a mental battle as well. And I didn’t keep up with any program I started. I didn’t finish them. I would get so far only to fall back out. I missed my performance and abilities from my fit days and I just couldn’t stop comparing my fat self to my fit self.

I knew I was capable of achieving great results. But I would get discouraged upon falling short of my previous fit tests. It was as if I had forgotten that it is a slow progress at first. And all the knowledge I had gained from before was flushed.

I had to relearn it all. Reset my mind and just go for it. But it wasn’t easy. It isn’t easy.

It’s been on and off. I managed to reach some goals and failed as well.

But I have decided it’s time to keep going. To not stop. And here I am, on my current fitness journey.

I am overweight at the moment. But I have a plan. I have a goal. I have determination. I also have those days where I don’t want to do anything. Where I much rather sit behind my desk and just barely even move. But I won’t let those feelings win.

Not again. I’ve had enough of that.

I am back to putting my cute outfits away. I am back to wearing athletic attire. I may not look as good in it as I once did. But that’s okay. It’s what I am working for and it is what makes me keep going. To push my body further than the previous day.

For those who have been keeping up with my fitness journey through this blog, thank you. I assure you there will be more. It might take me a while, but I will continue this journey. Once again thanks, and I hope you are interested enough to follow me on my current fitness journey as well.