New*

*and hopefully Improved blog – is under way.

So, yes that means changes.

Many, many changes are coming to this blog. The main one being the url.

Laying the cards on the table, I feel Nopalitana isn’t going where I first planned out to be. And since the cards are already displayed might as well be open about it all.

See, for starters my blogging lifestyle isn’t as depicted on the featured image. It’s far from. I mean, It would be ideal to have that kind of blogging life with a side of fruit. Okay, so maybe I do have my cuppa tea with me, but I have yet to find a beautifully aesthetic pineapple decor as the one. I only have my ampersand beside my desktop.

Because who really uses their laptop on a desk? I bring out my laptop when I’m too comfortable in bed to get out of it. After all, it is a laptop. And I’m not using a Mac. Nope, I’m not an Apple fanatic.

And even though, I have numerous journals, I don’t write in them as much. Anxiety doesn’t let me. Or is it me letting anxiety control me? I don’t know. But what I do know, is that my blogging life is nowhere near as depicted in the image.

So, why the image?

Umm, because it is aesthetically pleasing. And it makes me feel like my desk is in neat. As oppossed to the 5 unopened letters spread across my student loan statements. That and because I am able to get these images guilt-free and legally too. Just download and use. Free for all. And I really like this Photo by rawpixel.com from Pexels.

Yep, I recently came across this website and it’s amazing. Check it out for other amazing photos. And if you do use any of their images, you could donate to the photographer and also obviously, give credit their photos.

And there I go, astray. Per usual. It must be in my nature. But I had to credit the person or in this case the company that took this unclustered, neat image that depicts the kind of blogging lifestyle I’d only imagine and will see on screen. Not the one that depicts me.

Which is what has lead me to take a break from blogging. As those of you may have noticed? Or is my silence better than what I have to say that none of you did? I don’t blame you. I have left my site unattended before. But this time it was deeper.

A battle within.

The constant, “wish my blog was as coherent as this one” and “oh, if only my content was this great” and so on, so forth.

Because although I’ve been neglecting my site, I have been catching up with other blogs I follow. Yet, not leaving comments as before, only the likes. And even the likes, I’ve been using sparingly. I haven’t been generous. I guess, I just wanted to be incongnito until I decided what to do with the blog.

Have any other bloggers felt this way? Like giving up, but not entirely. Unsure. Do you feel you picked too broad of a niche or too many that you just can’t fill them all up. Do you feel that you started something, but the fact that plas didn’t go as planned has caused a pause greater than you wanted and the standstill point has left you with silence and even stress? Have you – or is that just me?

And maybe to some this kind of thoughts or behavior can sound absurd. And it’s acceptable if others think, “oh, get over yourself; it’s just a blog.”

But it isn’t just a blog. Not for me. For me it’s the place that I felt comfortable as my fingertips tap on the keyboard and making such a soothing clicking and clacking noise. It’s the place I want to share about so many things. But I’ve lacked structure. And when I read about a writing challenge such as the past blogtober, I jumped on the wagon too soon without noticing it was what would cause me to spiral out of control. Motion sickness perhaps?

It happened too fast and then I was writing things that I don’t want my blog to contain.

My initial idea of having a blog was to share tips. Lifestyle tips and incorporate a little of my daily life projects. Like the tiny home project that has been stalled due to many factors. And because I started several sections in this blog that have been on pause, I felt I was just trying to fill the void with random blogtober posts.

I don’t have anything against blogtober. It was actually fun for the first two weeks that I lasted. Or possibly even less, still fun nonetheless. But it was taking a spin I wasn’t able to control. Or I didn’t, but I just ended it ubruptly. And then I spiraled down into silence.

But I continue to do my things. Search for a job. And my creations have been even more alive. I’ve started new projects that I like to share with you all and anyone else who would be interested in DIY and all things related.

That is why I feel there needs to be a change in my blog. Nopalitana is a name I truly liked when I came up with it. Unique. But I don’t know if I can still post my new content and get rid of some of the posts that no longer phase me and keep the same name.

That’s another battle. I have several ideas for the name change, but then again, I feel like all the cool and creative names are taken. And they fit the person so well. I feel like I’m not finding the perfect name. If perfect even exists. Am I overthinking this too much? Perhaps, I am unsure. But I do tend to overthink and overanalyze a lot.

I feel like a boat at sea. Alone, swaying. Rocking back and forth. At times it’s relaxing. Other times comes the tempest and it’s just scary. That’s why I need this moment in my life where I am able to sit behind my desktop or continue in bed, comfortably keeping warm and write.

My little escape. The place where I want to share with others the things I’ve been creating. The place where I can set shop to help pay those student loans. The place where I can gain blogger friends. Community. Communion. And all that jazz. And hopefully get the courage to get into grad school.

But it will take one step at a time. I need to go at my own pace. I should also stop comparing myself or in this case, my blog to other blogs.

Instead, I should just put in the work, but only because it doesn’t feel like a chore. It’s actually nice to write and write and write.

And I’m sharing this much info, because maybe there is someone else out there who is feeling or has felt similar to this. And maybe some of you reading who have felt this can share some input or tips even. Or if you’re currently in the same boat rocking and swaying, you’ll find some sort of comfort knowing you’re not the only at sea.

Also sharing this because, when the changes come, and there’s the possibility of the name change this is the reason behind it.

Thank you to those who continue to follow despite my long absences.

Thank you to those who take their time to not only read, but also comment. Means more than you think.

Thank you to everyone.

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